Archives: "Barbershop: The Series"
This skit is a parody of the movie Barbershop, and was written back in 2002...long before it was announced that a real Barbershop TV series was coming. Just like the "Your Friendly Neighborhood Crackhead" skits, this skit was also rejected for 2002's Out Da Box. However, it was only rejected because it had "too many characters." I really hope that the real Barbershop TV show is at least as funny as this skit. Enjoy!
Characters
Announcer: M/F
Terri: F
Calvin: M
Jimmy: M
Eddie: M
Ricky: M
Isaac: M
Old Man: M
Dinka: M
Announcer: The number one African-American movie of 2002 returns as a sitcom! Its Barbershop: The Series on FOX this fall! With more of the hilarious humor youre used to...
Terri: Who the hell drank my apple juice?
Calvin: Stop got damn cursing, Terri! This aint no got damn def comedy jam!
Terri: Didnt you just cuss?
Calvin: Im the owner...I can do that.
Terri: (smacks lips) Well, either way I got something for whoever drank my juice.
Jimmy: Oh?
Terri: Yeah, I ground up my birth control pills and mixed em in my juice so I could...
Jimmy: (coughing) Oh God...I gotta throw up!
Terri: (to Calvin) See I told you Jimmy drank my apple juice!
Jimmy: (coughs) I...didnt...drink...it.
Calvin: Nobody saw him drink it....maybe he ate some bad fish.
Ricky: Maybe some scallops, huh?
Jimmy: Shut the (swallows from being sick) hell up!
Announcer: And more of the controversial views that actually pissed off Jesse Jackson!
Eddie: Black people need to stop lying! Al Sharpton wears a toopee, Michael Jackson is just like R. Kelly but with mo money, and Sherman Helmsley got a little sugar in his gas tank!
All: Ooooh!
Isaac: George Jefferson takes the D???
Terri: Then again, has he ever been married?
Calvin: Who knows, but he cant be gay, man...
Jimmy: Gives the phrase movin on up a new meaning.
Ricky: Man, Eddie, give Michael Jackson a break! Its bad enough he only black when its convenient...
Jimmy: Just like Mariah Carey.
Eddie: And that there Van Diesel.
Jimmy: Its Vincent Diesel
Ricky: Its Vin Diesel fool!
Calvin: Besides, we all knew Al Sharptons hair wasnt real anyway.
Isaac: It looks like doll hair, for real.
Terri: I wonder if he makes his own wigs like Tina Turner.
Old Man: What would Jesse Jackson say if he heard you talking like that?
Eddie: Hed try to use force and boycott this shop and lose like a little bitch with his tail between his legs!
All: Oooh!!!
Announcer: Plus more of the serious, thoughtful moments you love!
Calvin: Im closing the shop...again.
All: What? Why? (adlibs)
Calvin: I need the money to pay for my babys eye surgery. I sold the shop to Jojo down the street.
Terri: The porn storeowner?
(Dinka enters)
Dinka: Look everyone! I just won the Illinois Lottery! I dont need all this money so I give to everyone!
(Gives some to Calvin)
Calvin: Its enough to get my baby her eye surgery and buy the shop back from Jojo! The shop aint closing!
All: Yeah!
(Music plays and they all dance)
Announcer: Barbershop The Series...coming this fall to FOX, followed by Bernie Mac, Cedric The Entertainer Presents, and the new comedy show Black People Love Us!
(END SKETCH)
Barbershop: The Series
Copyright 2002 by Sterling Fisher
Characters
Announcer: M/F
Terri: F
Calvin: M
Jimmy: M
Eddie: M
Ricky: M
Isaac: M
Old Man: M
Dinka: M
Announcer: The number one African-American movie of 2002 returns as a sitcom! Its Barbershop: The Series on FOX this fall! With more of the hilarious humor youre used to...
Terri: Who the hell drank my apple juice?
Calvin: Stop got damn cursing, Terri! This aint no got damn def comedy jam!
Terri: Didnt you just cuss?
Calvin: Im the owner...I can do that.
Terri: (smacks lips) Well, either way I got something for whoever drank my juice.
Jimmy: Oh?
Terri: Yeah, I ground up my birth control pills and mixed em in my juice so I could...
Jimmy: (coughing) Oh God...I gotta throw up!
Terri: (to Calvin) See I told you Jimmy drank my apple juice!
Jimmy: (coughs) I...didnt...drink...it.
Calvin: Nobody saw him drink it....maybe he ate some bad fish.
Ricky: Maybe some scallops, huh?
Jimmy: Shut the (swallows from being sick) hell up!
Announcer: And more of the controversial views that actually pissed off Jesse Jackson!
Eddie: Black people need to stop lying! Al Sharpton wears a toopee, Michael Jackson is just like R. Kelly but with mo money, and Sherman Helmsley got a little sugar in his gas tank!
All: Ooooh!
Isaac: George Jefferson takes the D???
Terri: Then again, has he ever been married?
Calvin: Who knows, but he cant be gay, man...
Jimmy: Gives the phrase movin on up a new meaning.
Ricky: Man, Eddie, give Michael Jackson a break! Its bad enough he only black when its convenient...
Jimmy: Just like Mariah Carey.
Eddie: And that there Van Diesel.
Jimmy: Its Vincent Diesel
Ricky: Its Vin Diesel fool!
Calvin: Besides, we all knew Al Sharptons hair wasnt real anyway.
Isaac: It looks like doll hair, for real.
Terri: I wonder if he makes his own wigs like Tina Turner.
Old Man: What would Jesse Jackson say if he heard you talking like that?
Eddie: Hed try to use force and boycott this shop and lose like a little bitch with his tail between his legs!
All: Oooh!!!
Announcer: Plus more of the serious, thoughtful moments you love!
Calvin: Im closing the shop...again.
All: What? Why? (adlibs)
Calvin: I need the money to pay for my babys eye surgery. I sold the shop to Jojo down the street.
Terri: The porn storeowner?
(Dinka enters)
Dinka: Look everyone! I just won the Illinois Lottery! I dont need all this money so I give to everyone!
(Gives some to Calvin)
Calvin: Its enough to get my baby her eye surgery and buy the shop back from Jojo! The shop aint closing!
All: Yeah!
(Music plays and they all dance)
Announcer: Barbershop The Series...coming this fall to FOX, followed by Bernie Mac, Cedric The Entertainer Presents, and the new comedy show Black People Love Us!
(END SKETCH)
posted by Sterfish at 6:06 AM
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