Archives: Fake News
During the summer of 2004 (late summer), I met with Toure Muhammad, the creator of Bean Soup Times, a hilarious African-American take on fake news. He was a nice guy and I enjoy reading the site whenever I get a chance. During the time I e-mailed with him, I submitted three some articles and headlines that unfortunately didn't make the site. So, for the first time, I'm sharing these fake article and headlines with the world. Enjoy!
Given choice to "Vote or Die" potential young voters would rather die, says new poll
NEW YORK-It was revealed in a new Gallup poll that the vast majority of potential young voters would rather die than exercise their right to vote. Of the 3000 potential voters between 18 and 21 surveyed, 72% of them would rather die than vote in a presidential election. The poll also revealed that 64% of potential young voters would rather smoke marijuana than vote, 55% would rather become bulimic or anorexic, 49 % would rather hear Lil' Jon talk about voting, and 99% would rather sit on their ass in front of the TV.
News of the poll came as a blow to Citizen Change, the nonpartisan political group founded by Sean "P. Diddy" Combs, whose slogan is "Vote or Die."
"I started this group to encourage young people to change the world through voting...not mass suicide," Combs told a New York television station. "If young people don't want to vote and make themselves heard, then rich people over 21 such as myself will continue to screw them over."
However, Citizen Change is optimistic that their new slogan "Vote, bitch!" will energize young voters in ways "Vote or Die" never could.
African-American dieter thinks low-carb cornbread tastes "nasty."
CHICAGO-The popularity of Atkins and similar diets has led companies to produce low-carb versions of various products. However, there is one product that Atkins dieter Shaquita Anderson thinks they shouldn't have made...cornbread. "It's nasty," says the 28-year-old African-American woman. "It tastes like flavorless mush with an aftertaste."
Anderson was referring to Jiffy's new "Carbalow" brand low-carb cornbread mix. In order to lower the carbs, the mix substitutes soy flour for 90% of the corn meal, artificial sweeteners for sugar and adds wheat germ to increase the fiber content. In additon, the mix is supposed to be made with water and vegetable oil instead of milk.
After foolishly believing the "low carb, same great taste" promise on the box, Anderson says she won't be fooled again. "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go buy some low-sodium, low-fat saltpork to cook with my greens."
Bush courts young minority voters by putting daughters in the spotlight
WASHINGTON-After years of being shunned by the White House due to their rowdy behavior, Jenna and Barbara Bush, President Bush's twin daughters, are being thrust into the spotlight. The President has taken them with him on various campaign stops, and the girls even speak on his behalf. However, according to an unnamed Republican strategist, the reason the Bush twins have been showcased is a surprising one.
"The White House has brought the Bush twins into the spotlight to court young minority voters," says the strategist.
The strategist, an African-American male who wishes to remain anonymous, goes on to explain his reasoning: "White women have always been the sexual Holy Grail for ethnic men because of history and it is true to this day."
According to the strategist, the twins' history of bar escapades and ditching the Secret Service also stand to appeal to black male voters. "As seen in the Kobe Bryant case and others, there is nothing more desirable to a young black male than a white girl who likes to have a good time."
When asked about the appeal of the Bush twins to minority women, the strategist admitted that it is "slim." Yet, the strategist is optimistic.
"As more minority girls grow up in all-white environments, they'll take on the characteristics of whites rather than their own race. Fefe Dobson is just the beginning."
UPN banking on new shows to lure White viewers
The network is desperately trying to lure White viewers in a bid to shed "Under Paid Negros" image.
Alan Keyes determined to keep running for political office
"I won't stop until I win something...anything," says the current Republican US Senate candidate and former presidential candidate.
Sterfish's Fake News Articles And Headlines
Copyright 2004 by Sterling Fisher
Articles
Given choice to "Vote or Die" potential young voters would rather die, says new poll
NEW YORK-It was revealed in a new Gallup poll that the vast majority of potential young voters would rather die than exercise their right to vote. Of the 3000 potential voters between 18 and 21 surveyed, 72% of them would rather die than vote in a presidential election. The poll also revealed that 64% of potential young voters would rather smoke marijuana than vote, 55% would rather become bulimic or anorexic, 49 % would rather hear Lil' Jon talk about voting, and 99% would rather sit on their ass in front of the TV.
News of the poll came as a blow to Citizen Change, the nonpartisan political group founded by Sean "P. Diddy" Combs, whose slogan is "Vote or Die."
"I started this group to encourage young people to change the world through voting...not mass suicide," Combs told a New York television station. "If young people don't want to vote and make themselves heard, then rich people over 21 such as myself will continue to screw them over."
However, Citizen Change is optimistic that their new slogan "Vote, bitch!" will energize young voters in ways "Vote or Die" never could.
African-American dieter thinks low-carb cornbread tastes "nasty."
CHICAGO-The popularity of Atkins and similar diets has led companies to produce low-carb versions of various products. However, there is one product that Atkins dieter Shaquita Anderson thinks they shouldn't have made...cornbread. "It's nasty," says the 28-year-old African-American woman. "It tastes like flavorless mush with an aftertaste."
Anderson was referring to Jiffy's new "Carbalow" brand low-carb cornbread mix. In order to lower the carbs, the mix substitutes soy flour for 90% of the corn meal, artificial sweeteners for sugar and adds wheat germ to increase the fiber content. In additon, the mix is supposed to be made with water and vegetable oil instead of milk.
After foolishly believing the "low carb, same great taste" promise on the box, Anderson says she won't be fooled again. "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go buy some low-sodium, low-fat saltpork to cook with my greens."
Bush courts young minority voters by putting daughters in the spotlight
WASHINGTON-After years of being shunned by the White House due to their rowdy behavior, Jenna and Barbara Bush, President Bush's twin daughters, are being thrust into the spotlight. The President has taken them with him on various campaign stops, and the girls even speak on his behalf. However, according to an unnamed Republican strategist, the reason the Bush twins have been showcased is a surprising one.
"The White House has brought the Bush twins into the spotlight to court young minority voters," says the strategist.
The strategist, an African-American male who wishes to remain anonymous, goes on to explain his reasoning: "White women have always been the sexual Holy Grail for ethnic men because of history and it is true to this day."
According to the strategist, the twins' history of bar escapades and ditching the Secret Service also stand to appeal to black male voters. "As seen in the Kobe Bryant case and others, there is nothing more desirable to a young black male than a white girl who likes to have a good time."
When asked about the appeal of the Bush twins to minority women, the strategist admitted that it is "slim." Yet, the strategist is optimistic.
"As more minority girls grow up in all-white environments, they'll take on the characteristics of whites rather than their own race. Fefe Dobson is just the beginning."
Headlines
UPN banking on new shows to lure White viewers
The network is desperately trying to lure White viewers in a bid to shed "Under Paid Negros" image.
Alan Keyes determined to keep running for political office
"I won't stop until I win something...anything," says the current Republican US Senate candidate and former presidential candidate.
posted by Sterfish at 5:56 AM
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